Saturday, June 29, 2013

Re-History: Climnate Denialists and World War II

Re-imagine, Dec. 7th, 1941, denialist-style:

Sane People: The Japanese have bombed Pearl!

Not-so-sane People: I don't believe it! Maybe it was the Chinese. Can you prove it wasn't Chinese in Japanese planes?

(Rrrring: Joe? Yeah, this is Big Bottom Profitalot: Buy Japanese military suppliers! Pronto!)

Sane People: Yes! it was the Japanese! Thousands of people saw them as they killed thousands of other people.

Not-so-sane People: Maybe it's a gov't cover-up! That suck-ass, is-he-really-disabled-or-not Roosevelt is probably covering up an ammo dump explosion or some secret operation gone wrong. Can you prove he isn't?

(Rrrring: Joe? Yeah, this is Big Bottom Profitalot again: Find me 100 scientists who will testify before Congress that since most Americans can't tell one Asian from another, Pearl Harbor was probably attacked by African Pygmies! Pronto!)

Sane People: What?! They saw the Japanese planes, tracked them on radar. We shot down some of them! [Don't know if this is historically accurate, but the movies show they did!] They were freakin' Japanese!

Four years later. Europe is over-run. Asia/Oceania are Japanese territories. Africa is German/Italian occupied and being emptied of resources. Meanwhile, back in Washington D.C....

Sane People: See! We TOLD you they were Japanese! Now the whole world is just about under Axis control and they're stockpiling to invade South America and via Alaska!

Not-so-sane People: Well, so what can we do about it? That's how politics goes! It'll cost too much to stop it, and, really, how bad can Axis rule be? No, no, no... far too expensive to fight a war. It's natural. It's survival of the fittest.

Sane People: Aaaaiiiaaiiieeeeiii!!!! (Run screaming from the room, minds blown. Literally.)

(Rrrring: Joe? Yeah, this is Big Bottom Profitalot once again: Buy anything and everything in South America and Alaska! Pronto!)


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